you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
