Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
