i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
