Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
