Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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