Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
