i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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