dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
