I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
