Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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