I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
