i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
