I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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