My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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