Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
