He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
