Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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