jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
