Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Congratulations! We have a period
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
