there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
