What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
