by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
