and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
