Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
