Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
