It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
