Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
