dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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