By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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