It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
