she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
