:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
