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well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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