I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
