The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
