I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
