3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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