We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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