I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
