Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
