i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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