So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
