That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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