U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
