doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
