Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
