This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
