and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I didn't notice because vodka
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
