thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
