I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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