Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
