Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
