I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
