we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
