he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
